What comes to mind when you hear the word shingles? Something that goes on your roof perhaps? A weird disease that old people get? These are the two things that typically come to mind whenever I hear the word (which isn't really very often)...until now...
Ever have one of those days that you think is going so great, and then bam something completely crazy and out of the blue happens? That's how I would sum up my Saturday last week. Things were going so great. I was enjoying the incredible blessing of great friends visiting from out of town. Amber had come from Fort Worth with her two precious boys and Allison had made a surprise visit from Baton Rouge. We were having the best time catching up, hanging out, talking, laughing, talking and laughing some more. It was so refreshing and just what I needed. I was trying really hard the whole day to ignore a rather annoying itchy bite that was on my back and seemed to be getting worse. I decided to have Amber look at it to see what she thought it might be. Like me, she agreed that it was perhaps a spider bite, but that the readness appeared to be moving in an upward pattern. In which case, if it were a spider bite could be really bad news. So off to urgent care I went. Where I discovered that at the ripe old age of 29, I had shingles. A stress induced post chicken pox virus that leaves one itching like crazy and with hyper sensitive nerves that can leave one in pain for months, sometimes even years. Great!! The even more wonderful news was that I needed to avoid small children and pregnant women so as to not pass along the chicken pox virus. Great again!! I immediately thought of Titus (4) and Justus (5mo) who had been at my house the past 24 hours and who I had definitely been holding and loving on quite a bit. After a few phone calls to the pediatrician Amber decided to pack up and head home...bummer..but definitely for the best. Allison decided to stay and mother me, which I gladly let her do. And boy was I sad to see her go on Sunday. But my roommate Jules lovingly jumped in to pick up right where she left off. I have great friends!!
So, on with the lesson. First a shingles lesson for you...
Shingles is derived from the chicken pox virus. Anyone who has had chicken pox can get shingles if under a lot of stress or with a weakened immune system (from cancer treatments or HIV). The chicken pox virus actually lays dorment in your system for the rest of our life. Huh, interesting..didn't know that one! No one can catch shingles. It is a reoccuring virus. You catch shingles from your very own pre-existing chicken pox condition. However, a person who has never had chicken pox can catch chicken pox from someone with shingles...but only through direct contact, not through the air. Shingles make their lovely appearance in the form of red bumps that itch and hurt a lot. They follow the pattern of your nerves if derived from stress. They also cause nerve pain which makes you ache and can even leave your skin hypersensitive to touch, even the touch of your very own clothes. Ok, so that's probably more than some of you wanted to know about shingles. And for those of you who want to know even more check out the Mayo Clinic website. It's very informative with pictures and all!
Now, the shingles lesson for me...
I haven't left the house since Saturday, well except to take out the trash and to see if I was missing great weather...and I was. But other than that it's been like leper central around our house. Ok, being a bit dramatic. My mind is in an intersting state after being cooped up and on pain meds all week. I've gotten plenty of rest, had plenty of time to think, read, nap, think, change my facebook status, and repeat. And in the midst of all that there's been plenty of time for the Lord to try and get a hold of me in regard to why all this happened in the first place. Today (Thursday) I finally decided to let him. Sheesh...took me long enough! Why do we...why do I...so often try to run from the very thing I need most? That lesson for another blog post. Stress-induced shingles. For a few days the itching and pain were so bad all I could think about was the shingles part. Now that I'm on the mend I'm sitting alone in my house, forced to look the "stress-induced" part dead in the face. For some reason my mind keeps going to the plagues in Exodus. God was trying to send a clear message...one that the Egyptians obviously weren't getting. And He stopped at nothing to get their attention. It's an ironic kind of love that I find myself so grateful for...he won't let me get away and he won't let me live my life foolishly. Sometimes I'm so busy that I end up there without even realizing it. And all for a good cause named ministry. When I first started in full time ministry I begged God to not let what I do for him to ever take the place of Him. He is so faithful to remember the prayers that we pray and then tend to forget. So, the cold hard truth is this...I think too much and pray to little, I carry the burdens of others, as well as myself, when I should be putting them on Jesus, the one who can acutally make a difference in these situations. I'm constantly emptying without being filled and I'm completely surrounded by people, yet without community. And the root of all this is me trying to live life on my own, void of an utter dependence on God. It feels so good to have my eyes opened to these things. The Lord has been so sweet through His Word and His presence today. This is one lesson I only want to learn once so I'm asking Him to keep me here until it sticks. And if this speaks to you at all, take my word for it...humble yourself before the Lord is forced to humble you.
George Muller is one of my favorite missionary heroes of the faith. He faced many challenges and many hardships throughout his ministry. One of his favorite verses was Psalm 84:11, "No good thing does He withould from those who walk uprightly." George was a man of incredible faith. If you haven't read his bio you should. He buried two of his own children as well as his wife during his lifetime. Each time he claimed this verse and saw his hardship as "the good thing". I sit here today to say that shingles is indeed the good thing that God has sent my way to demonstrate his amazing love and grace towards me and to bring me back to the incredible realization that daily life without Him is no life at all. He is indeed good!
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3 comments:
Great post!
reminds me of Prov 3:11 - "the Lord disciplines those He loves"
I find that when I am desperate I seek Him with an "I MUST have you!" urgency... I think the trick is in staying desperate. Haven't totally figured that one out yet. I do know that you can cultivate a desperate heart. Prayer and solitude help me to cultivate a desperate heart. Tough to do with 5 kids and a full time job. But SO important! Nothing confronts me with both my spiritual poverty and His all sufficiency like extended times alone with God. I get filled up during these times. We are designed to function like sponges. We soak in His presence until we can't help but leak Him to all those around us.
Blessings... I hope you feel better soon.
I have been thinking about you so much in the past week...in prayer. I know what you mean of how the Lord gets our attention when we have replaced the stress and urgency of ministry before Him. Not like laying it before Him but put it first before Him and then asking Him to bless whatever we are doing. I too although not as home bound have looked to the Lord and His Word in this time. I am aware I let His presence in the ordinary slip by me too often. In these periods that seemed like forced rest have now come those moments of welcome for the time. Continue to heal well and know you are in my prayers.
hey friend! i just want to say, for what it's worth, i see all this as..."how are we going to do this, kuntz....the easy way or the hard way???" rather than it being about disobedience or irresponsibility on your part. he's just optimizing you, so that your yoke is easy and your burden is light...as he intends it. this is just part of amy 2.0. :)
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